How often do you find yourself in the position of giving feedback to someone?

Probably very often, if you’re like most people (even if you’re not always aware that that’s what you’re doing).

Whether you’re giving feedback to a family member, friend, colleague, neighbor, acquaintance, or stranger, the more constructive your feedback is, the more likely it is to be effective (and the better you’ll feel about giving it).

Some people call feedback “criticism,” but it can be either constructive criticism (which shouldn’t upset or hurt anyone), or destructive criticism (which can upset or hurt anyone!).

The purpose of this article is to increase your ability to give feedback in a way that it can be seen as constructive criticism.

So what exactly is feedback?

It’s a way to let people know your opinion about what they’re doing, how effective they are in what they are trying to do, or how their actions affect you.

And, of course, it’s a way to receive this same information from others.

Remember that there are two sides to feedback: giving it, and receiving it.

Feedback is a very important part of interpersonal communication. It provides a way for people to learn how they are interacting within the world around them, and it helps them to improve their interactions and behaviors.

If you know how other people see you, it can help you to improve the way you communicate and interact with others.

Let’s first talk about giving feedback to others.

Giving Feedback

Do you enjoy giving feedback to others? Some people love to do this.

It almost looks as though they await every opportunity possible to share their profound opinions with others.

They probably are in the category of those who believe that it is easier to give advice than take it.

Some people are being kind, compassionate, and sensitive in offering feedback to others. But others are not always as positive. They may be cruel, cold, or insensitive.

Because feedback can be so important, and yet it can be so provocative, the way you deliver it is as important as the feedback itself.

After all, if you truly want the other person to respond to it, it must be comfortably received.

 

Try to give feedback in the following positive ways:

• Be considerate: recognize that feedback should not be intended to hurt or insult.
• Be supportive: offer feedback in an encouraging and non-threatening way.
• Be sensitive: be aware of how the recipient may actually receive your feedback.
• Be task-focused rather than person-focused: offer feedback about a behavior or action, rather than personal criticism.
• Be specific: focus feedback on specific actions or events, rather than generalities.
• Be timely: offer feedback closely after the precipitating event, rather than after a significant delay.
• Be opportune: offer feedback at an appropriate time for it to be received, rather than when the recipient is overwhelmed, upset, or otherwise engaged.
• Be thoughtful: consider what you’re going to say, and how the person will respond to it, rather than impulsively and spontaneously offering your reaction.
• Be helpful: remember that your feedback is designed to be beneficial to the recipient… from the recipient’s point of view.

Try not to give feedback in the following negative ways:

• Try not to attack: be gentle rather than aggressive; focus on the strengths rather than the weaknesses of the recipient.
• Try not to be indirect: feedback that is vague and general offers much less effective communication and can be offensive.
• Try not to be insensitive: show concern for the person who is receiving your feedback.
• Try not to be disrespectful: try to avoid demeaning, insulting, inconsiderate feedback.
• Try not to be judgmental: after all, who are you to judge?
• Impulsive: feedback given without thinking of the consequences is usually counterproductive.
• Try not to be selfish: avoid giving feedback just to meet your own needs, and not considering the needs of the recipient.

Getting Feedback

Now that we’ve discussed how to give it, are you ready to take it?

Receiving feedback can be very uncomfortable, especially if the person speaking to you does not follow the positive suggestions listed above.

Some people are very sensitive, and inevitably experience feedback as destructive criticism. It becomes something to avoid at all costs.

Those with low self-esteem see feedback (even if offered constructively!) as a validation of their worthlessness.

Some people will be willing to accept feedback, as long as it’s only positive and praising, and don’t want to hear anything suggesting that they missed the mark.

Not all people are so sensitive when it comes to receiving feedback. Some people are willing to accept feedback, and may even seek it out because they’re always looking to improve. This may be the case even if the feedback is sometimes negative.

Ultimately, the way people accept and respond to feedback usually depends on whether or not the feedback seems intended to help or hurt.

The mature way of dealing with feedback is to try to accept it in the way it is intended. In other words, if it is constructive and helpful, try to see what you can learn from it.

And if it is negative and inconsiderate, see if there’s anything positive to be derived by “reading between the lines” before disregarding it!

You are correct if you’ve concluded that you are the most important factor in dealing with feedback, because it is your interpretation of what’s being said to you that determines how well you’ll accept it.

By looking at it this way, you’ll recognize that you can receive ANY type of feedback, and learn something constructive from it… as long as you look at the positive side instead of the negative side.

Try to receive feedback positively:

• Be open: listen to what is being said without frequently interrupting or objecting.
• Be receptive: listen to what’s being said without responding with feedback towards the other person.
• Be respectful: recognize that the person has the right to say anything; you don’t necessarily have to agree with it. Accepting: accepts the feedback, without denial.
• Be interactive: communicate with the other person, seek to clarify anything you don’t understand.
• Be an active participant: focus on what’s being said rather than tuning it out… even if it’s positive feedback.
• Be insightful: try to understand what has occurred that led to the person offering the feedback in the first place.
• Be interested: recognize that you may be able to learn something beneficial.

Try to avoid receiving feedback negatively:

• Try to avoid being defensive: don’t feel as though you have to defend your actions or object to the feedback being given.
• Try to avoid attacking: don’t feel that you have to turn the table and attack the other person because of the feedback being offered.
• Try to avoid denying: recognize that the person had a reason to offer the criticism, even if you totally disagree; so rather than denying it, try to figure out why the feedback was offered and if it was fair.
• Try to avoid being disrespectful: don’t feel the need to diminish the integrity of the other person, the person’s right to offer feedback, or the content of what’s being said.
• Try to avoid inactive or closed-minded listening: try to at least make an attempt to understand the meaning of the feedback; don’t indicate by actions that the feedback will go in one ear and out the other.
• Try to avoid making excuses: avoid either rationalizing or absolving yourself of any negatives.

Our Final Feedback

Good relationships depend on good communication.

Feedback is one of the most important components in good communication because it’s necessary to keep individuals from becoming too distant and too caught up in disagreements.

So it’s certainly beneficial to improve your ability to both give, and receive, feedback.